Все проклянут и память обо мне.
Всё. Нет, не все: созданье есть одно
Способное любить – хоть не меня;
До этих пор не верит мне оно,
Однако сердце, полное огня
Не увлечётся мненьем, и моё
Пророчество припомнит ум её,
И взор, теперь весёлый и живой,
Напрасной отуманится слезой.
Кровавая меня могила ждёт,
Могила без молитв и без креста,
На диком берегу ревущих вод
И под туманным небом; пустота
Кругом. Лишь чужестранец молодой,
Невольным сожаленьем и молвой
И любопытством приведён сюда,
Сидеть на камне станет иногда.
И скажет: отчего не понял свет
Великого, и как он не нашёл
Себе друзей, и как любви привет
К нему надежду снова не привёл?
Он был её достоин. И печаль
Его встревожит, он посмотрит вдаль,
Увидит облака с лазурью волн,
И белый парус, и бегучий чёлн.
И мой курган! – любимые мечты
Мои подобны этим. Сладость есть
Во всём, что не сбылось, – есть красоты
В таких картинах; только перенесть
Их на бумагу трудно: мысль сильна,
Когда размером слов не стеснена,
Когда свободна, как игра детей,
Как арфы звук в молчании ночей!
11th JUNE 1831
Eternal soul, since childhood I recall,
In search of the miraculous sublime,
Not light itself, but light’s delusions all
In which I dwelt for minutes at a time;
And torments filled those moments, as it seems;
I’d occupy such enigmatic dreams
Amongst those instants; but, like peace,
The dream within could never find release.
How often, summoned by some ghost refrain,
I lived another age, another chance;
Forgot the world. And, time and time again,
When starting from a heavy-hearted trance,
I wept; but all those restless visions,
Held by flesh and viewed through rents and scissions,
Did not seem like creatures who could dwell
On earth. All in them was holy – or from hell.
In simple prose, a man cannot describe
Internal strife. But I hear other tones
Sufficiently resounding to imbibe
Ambrosia. I feel – this bag of bones –
Exalted passions, yet still undeclared;
Struck dumb; but now I am prepared
To sacrifice myself for something good –
Though its shadow flee into the wood.
Fame and glory, what are they but lies?
Yet in them is something that compels
The willing victim to the sacrifice.
My days are a continuum of hells;
Lacking purpose, but yet faced by choice;
Still, I believe it! This compelling voice –
A summons to eternity; each breath,
Relinquishing all earthly gifts to death.
And, for the eternal, there’s no grave.
When I’m ashes, these outlandish dreams,
Though still paradoxical, are brave
And blessed by angels; seems
You won’t die with me; and my love
Will carry you to spaces up above;
To your name, my legend will be linked,
For, after death, our souls are indistinct.
For the dead, there’s peace at least; a son
Shall worship what his father once despised.
This is how the race of life is run:
In order that each force be neutralised.
A person, whether yet advanced in years –
Mere blossom to be scattered; and all fears
Are equally contemptible. A womb
Is just a staging post towards a tomb.
So, with the formation of a soul –
By a river, facing the abyss,
Watching as the rapid waves cajole
The blue into the white with noisesome hiss.
And, above that foaming, turbid tide,
I stood and listened, dazed, preoccupied,
Lost amidst the unremitting din
That scattered all the restless thoughts within.
There was I content. If I could only
Forget the unforgettable! Her glance –
Source of all distress! Why I am lonely!
Known by her across the wide expanse
Of time, and destined here to love
Her, and her alone. To God above
I pray for torments new, yet these elide
That ghost that still continues to reside.
No one cares for me, not then or now;
Burdensome to others and a devil;
Anguish divagates upon my brow;
I am cold and proud and even evil
Like the crowd; but is it of her art
To daringly transpierce into my heart?
Could she even know its rightful name –
Since there are fire and shadow all the same?
Across the sky, a dark cloud brings a chill,
But in its heart it hides a deadly fire,
Which, bursting forth, attenuates to nil
All that it meets; with swift desire,
Flashes and is covered once again.
And who can such phenomena explain?
And who has eyes to peer into the dark?
Why try? They disappear without a mark.
Harrowing my entrails, bittersweet,
My journey’s end, at which extremity
The soul’s condemned to wander and to meet
Its kindred spirits; and where to be free.
But who has loved me, who my plaintive voice
Has heard and understood – and felt my joys?
I see that love, for me, is like a taint,
Which, from the weaker, could not bear restraint.
Many lovers do not trust the world
And so are happy; others feel desire
Engendered in their blood and outwards swirled
In brain disorder or creative fire.
Love, of all the passions, most divine;
Yet, a thing I never could define!
Seems a love can take but one sure course:
At fever pitch with all my psychic force!
But I could not be weaned from such deceptions;
My unimpassioned heart would throb in vain.
To its beat, amongst the lacerations,
Pipes there still love’s long-revered refrain;
As from dreary ruins springs a birch –
Youthful, spry, beguiling from her perch –
Like a ray of hope, she greens the rones
And titivates the melancholy stones.
And, for her fate, the nameless interloper
Mourns. Poor defenceless devotee!
Under sultry blasts and lack of hope
She wilts and withers, my tenacious tree;
But, from her spot, she will not be effaced
As whirlwinds surge, she’s sturdy at its base;
For, only in a broken heart, desire
Can burn with potent, everlasting fire.
The proud soul does not tire or yield to gloom
But bears its heavy load with resignation;
To its fate it will not yet succumb,
But still persists; in breath, its vindication.
Dueling with the Absolute, it fails;
But, may, in losing, and by such travails,
Inspire a thousand vassals to rebel.
Such a soul’s in heaven – or in hell.
I have always loved the empty places
Where the wind caresses naked hills,
Where the kite, ascending airy spaces,
Essence of the speckled steppe distils.
Here the skittish herd no yoke constrains,
And, frolicking, above the mottled plains,
The raptor rushes straight out of the blue,
Hoving between clouds and into view.
Colossus-like, eternity bestrides
Impermanence to strike the mind of man.
The boundless ocean of the steppe elides
Description, turning blue across its span,
Sounding universal harmony, and this,
For us, is suffering or bliss:
All becomes transparent, but this weight
Will count when we present ourselves to fate.
Who has ever sat among the peaks
In that hour when day holds precious light,
Gazed westwards, where the bright planet leaps
Into the sky, while shades of looming night
Gather in the east, the scarps, ravines, beams
Glinting all around the tops of loftiest extremes,
And where the weird crown of cloud ignites
After the storm, the rays glancing in the heights;
For him, a heavy heart, of former years
Full,