Nikolay Lakutin The teacher. A play for 4 people. Comedy

Attention! ALL COPYRIGHTS TO THE PLAY ARE PROTECTED BY THE LAWS OF RUSSIA, INTERNATIONAL LAW, AND BELONG TO THE AUTHOR. ITS PUBLICATION AND REPUBLICATION, REPRODUCTION, PUBLIC PERFORMANCE, TRANSLATION INTO FOREIGN LANGUAGES, AND MAKING CHANGES TO THE TEXT OF THE PLAY WHEN STAGED WITHOUT THE WRITTEN PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR ARE PROHIBITED. THE PRODUCTION OF THE PLAY IS POSSIBLE ONLY AFTER THE CONCLUSION OF A DIRECT CONTRACT BETWEEN THE AUTHOR AND THE THEATER.

The actors

Anna

Ksyusha

Sanek

Victor

Action 1

Scene 1

Anna and Ksusha's rented apartment. It's not too tidy. Evening. An enraged Anna runs in. She doesn't look at all feminine, exhausted, gray.

Anna. Ahhh! That's it! To hell with this whole kindergarten! I'm writing my resignation letter tomorrow! My strength is gone. I've had enough! I'll go to the kiosk to trade, to the market, to distribute leaflets, I'll get a job as a gas station attendant… At least somewhere, but to get involved in educational and educational activities at some point… Fuck it all!!!

A sleepy Ksyusha comes out. He stretches.

Ksyusha. M.. Hello, Anyut.

Anna. hello!

Ksyusha. Hush, hush. Calm down.

Ksyusha comes up to Anna, calms her down, gently strokes her back.

Ksyusha. It's okay, girlfriend, it's okay. You're at home, no one will offend you here, no one will raise their voice at you, no one will force on the palace, no one will throw a cube at your head.

Anna is crying softly, sobbing.

Ksyusha. Well, that's it. All. Come on, pull yourself together.

Anna. Yes, that's it, I'm sorry. I'm snapping at you again.

Ksyusha. Come on, I'm used to it already. What don't I understand? But at least for a change, you would have come home after work some other way. Otherwise, everything is in one pore.

Anna. Ksyusha, honey, I'm sorry. Honestly, every day, going to work, I promise myself that today everything will be different. And I even hold on for a while. But then these kids… These parents, this headmistress, damn her!

Ksyusha. Don't swear.

Anna. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Ksyusha. Go wash up, get yourself cleaned up, I'll set the table for you. Are you hungry, perhaps?

Anna. What is it? I can't get anything into my mouth with these endless nerves. And what? Did you cook something?

Ksyusha. No, of course not. But I'll get you something. I just brought a lot of stuff from my shift yesterday.

Anna. Another delay?

Ksyusha. Anyut? It's all the same thing that you would buy in any other store for money. Well, as long as I'm a cashier, what good can I do? Don't throw it away, right?

Anna. Oh, I don't know. Somehow I'm skeptical about everything that you bring from there.

Ksyusha. If you don't eat, just say so. That I'm crucifying myself here.

Anna. I will! Get your overdue, it won't get any worse.

Ksyusha. That's how it would be right away. Go wash your face and get to the table!

Anna smiles. He goes to wash his face.

Ksyusha sets the table, carries food: cheeses, sausages, yoghurts.

Ksyusha (shouting). And wash your hands with soap! Or else you'll get some chickenpox from these loving kids of yours.

Anna (screams). Learn more — learn more!

Ksyusha smiles, finishes with the table. He sits down and waits. Anna returns. She is already dressed at home. He sits down next to me.

Ksyusha. Here! Another person! This matter. Help yourself.

Anna. Are you sure nothing will come of all this?

Ksyusha. Yes, no…

Anna starts to eat.

Ksyusha. It will carry the maximum.

Anna stops chewing. He looks at his friend. She looks at her. Anna waves her hand away and continues to chew.

Ksyusha. A couple of times.

Anna stops chewing again.

Anna. And what are you not eating?

Ksyusha. Well, I just did!

Anna. You must have been asleep just now!

Ksyusha. Well, yes, and before that, literally…

Anna. No, that won't do. Come with me.

Ksyusha is not in too much of a hurry to share dinner.

Anna. Be brave! Don't be afraid!

Ksyusha. Don't fight! And also a teacher. Do you teach children to speak the same way?

Anna. Come on, eat!

Ksyusha. But now I recognized the teacher. My teacher told me the same thing all the time.

Ksyusha takes the yogurt, opens it, but does not eat it. He hesitates. He looks cautiously at Anna.

Anna. Come on, come on!

Ksyusha. Oh, she wasn't. If anything, we'll ride a white horse together. Just like when I was a kid. Remember?

Anna. I remember, but let's not sit at the table, okay?

Ksyusha. Soryan, my friend.

They clink yoghurts. Eating.

Ksyusha. And nothing, by the way. You can eat.

Anna. M… decided to test it on me first, then? How sweet…

Ksyusha. No, I'm not… That's right, it's okay… Usually… Things happen. Without consequences… Almost.

Anna. Yes, yes… We've been through this before.

Ksyusha. That's not what made you sick at all that time. It's because of…

Anna. Well, well?

Ksyusha. And… there… it's…

Anna. Well? What was there? Tell me?

Ksyusha. Whoever remembers the old, he's out of sight.

Anna. Everything is clear with you. Of course, how to poison a friend is how she is the first, but how to answer, so …

Ksyusha (covers her ears, shouts over, interrupts). When I eat, I am deaf and dumb, cunning and fast! I don't hear anything, I don't hear anything. La-la-la, zhu-zhu-zhu…

Anna. Uh-huh…

they're eating.

Ksyusha. Lan, tell me, who pissed you off today?

Anna. So are you deaf and dumb when you eat?

Ksyusha. Everything is fine. The power of speech returned. And a rumor for the company. So what? Did your parents' nerves tingle?

Anna. Yes, I've been used to it for a long time. That's not the point.

Ksyusha nods her head questioningly.

Anna. Today I received an assessment of my work. Of course, they were assessed unfairly, when it was otherwise? As a result, the incentives were considered modestly.

Ksyusha. Wait! Are the caregivers being paid normally now?

Anna. Normal. But it could have been more!

Ksyusha. Clear.

Anna. Is that clear? The women's collective, you know, is not the gardens of Paradise.

Ksyusha. So it was necessary to start with this, otherwise they counted about the stimulating ones…

Anna. Yes, it's all in a heap. One thing clings to the other. Where do you think the unfair grades come from? One cap, the other cap. The third is shoo-shoo, the fourth is vasya… So it turns out. Don't want. Got it. That's it, I'll write a statement tomorrow, on my own.

Ksyusha. Well, that's right! Why the hell did you get this kindergarten? In every sense of the word. You'll find yourself something normal. By the way, we need a cashier now. Svetka left. Come to us? I'll put in a good word for you. No problem, we'll solve it!

Anna. No, well, I don't want to be a cashier.

Ksyusha. What don't I want?

Anna. Yes, there are absolutely pennies.

Ksyusha. Firstly, it's not such a penny, and secondly, our salary is generally in so far. The main plop is in the bonuses! We have a good commodity expert and a headmistress. They share. There will be no need to buy food at all. And decommissioned alcohol can sometimes even be sold to someone at a speculative price.

Anna. Thanks, I also didn't sell alcohol on the sly. And I'm already fed up with your delay.

Ksyusha. If you don't like it, don't eat it! No one is forcing

Anna. I'm sorry, friend. Thank you very much for supplying. Of course, it's easier to live this way, and not always what you bring is just for waste. But if I also bring it, besides you, then where will we put it all? You can't sell it much, you can't stuff it all into yourself either. What's the point?

Ksyusha. Well, yes…

Anna. Yes, and standing a hundred thousand times a day, offering a bag and smiling — you know, too, somehow it's not my thing.

Ksyusha. I got it Working as a cashier is above your human dignity! Where to go after kindergarten. You're a TEACHER!

Anna. Ksyusha! What are you doing? I'm not talking about that at all. All the work is necessary, everyone is doing their own thing. I'm not judging, don't even think about it!

Ksyusha. Well, then don't complain that everything is so bad. You're living way worse than mine. And everyone has their own difficulties.

Anna. And I'm not whining.

Ksyusha. Are you not whining?

Anna. Yes, I'm whining.

Ksyusha. Here! Don't whine!

Anna. I will not.

Pause.

Ksyusha. Exactly?

Anna. No!

Ksyusha. A fact!

They finish with the meal.

Anna. How are you and Sasha doing?

Ksyusha. Oh, everything is great with Sanka. He and I are going to the cinema today. He should have come by now, but something happened to his car. Some kind of vibration, or something… I don't know. I don't understand this. He's at a hundred now, sort of, then straight here.

Anna. M…

Ksyusha. And this…

Ksyusha beckons her friend to her with her finger, looks around so that no one is around.

Ksyusha. Anyway, there's a guy who comes to my cashier for the second time. Smiling, flirting. Word for word, back and forth, shaking and shaking.

Anna. Turned him down?

Ksyusha. No-e-e-t! What are you doing? What for? I'm waiting for the phone to ask and take some more serious actions than just compliments and smiles.

Anna. I don't understand. What for? Don't you have Sasha?

Ksyusha. Yes, but what's the point? We've been friends for three years, but I still haven't asked you to get married. It seems to me that he won't call anymore. Why does he need this? He's fine with everything, he's doing fine as it is. And I seem to be wasting my time with him.

Anna. Yeah. And this one, then, at the checkout, which, you immediately realized, with serious intentions?

Ksyusha. I don't know, I need to check it out.

Anna. And how far are you willing to go with this test of yours?

Ksyusha. Anyut! Don't be boring. Everything is fine. Everything is under control. Nothing like this has happened yet, I pinched him once…

a sleigh enters, drags a car battery.

Sanek. Hello everyone

Anna, Ksyusha (chorus). Hi.

Sanek. I took a new one here. Mine plows somehow, in summer it's still nothing, but in winter it doesn't pull anymore. I snatched it while there was a sale. Maybe I'll put it on myself, but if not, I'll resell it as a last resort.

He puts the battery on the floor, sits on it, wipes the sweat from his forehead.

Anna spills tea on herself. He jumps up and runs to the bathroom.

Ksyusha. Did you go to the station?

Sanek. Yes. Driven.

Ksyusha. Have you set up a car?

Sanek. Uh-huh… We've set it up… I outlined the situation to them, explained what was going on. What was my problem? After one hundred and thirty kilometers per hour, my Lada begins to shake and have a fever. Something is playing, something is vibrating. Everything in the cabin is already jumping, shaking, shaking.

Ksyusha. And when you're not driving, is everything okay?

Well, yes, everything is quiet until the hundred. And the higher, the worse. If you're over a hundred and thirty, turn off the lights altogether.

Ksyusha. Well, what was there?

Sanek. The car was inspected, no technical problems were found. Then the master